Why I smell of chlorine

Today I was very good and went swimming. I was less good when I ate a lot of cookies - which mostly tasted of cardboard anyway....

It's a shame that I'm not a better swimmer because I am a bit of a liability in the pool. I am one of those wimps who doesn't like to put their faces in the water - I panic. Guess what!! Something else I'm fearful of! Drowning at the swimming pool! I'm a challenging woman! (See! AJ was right!)

Fortunately I managed to go in the middle of the day before it got busy and/or full of kids swimming lessons. Unfortunately one of the people there was one of those terrible splashy-crawl swimmers. Poor style!! I shouldn't comment since I mostly do a bad breast stroke or a frantic doggy-paddle - but at least my swimming style doesn't cause other people to end up choking on my wake. Grrr.

I hate water up my nose and down my throat and I really haven't got the hang of it.
I can't help it, I come from a family of reluctant swimmers.

My one memory of swimming lessons as a child is in the very baby pool at Holt Park and as far as I remember we were just striding across the pool - water at thigh-height.

It obviously was of limited success. I gained my 50 meters certificate at school and that was an effort. And I'm still not the most confortable of people in the water.
Plus, I now wear the most blah swimsuit ever - black, polyester, high necked, low legged, tummy control. Because of all the pockets and lining for keeping my prosthesis in place I feel like I'm in a strait-jacket or an iron suit (whatever one of those is...)

This is obviously not me and the snazzy beach background takes away from the drabness of the suit itself....it's streets away from the turquoise, flowered bikini that I used to wear (topless) when I worked in Chania. Just another thing that breast cancer has taken from me, besides the pound of flesh. Well, several pounds-worth I should think.....

So, in an effort to improve my swimming, I bought a book. Stop laughing. It's not that funny. Yes, I bought a book in order to get some swimming tips. No, it's not waterproof; no, I didn't take it to the pool with me.
I know it sounds silly - but it's called "Swimming without stress: lessons for land lovers" - sounds like me, yes? And it's based on Alexander Technique; which sounds good to me and it's about being confident in water and releasing and swimming without tension. Sounds like just what I need.
Sadly, I didn't get on well with my attempts to practice breathing into the water. I fear I may actually require someone to be there, in person, to tell me what to do and to haul me out when I half-drown myself by panicking in the water (which I'm sure is half the reason the water spouts up my nose - unless it's some magnetic thing.)
I have to get the hang of this swimming thing. I'm a pisces, for heaven's sake! It's embarassing! And I do like being in the water, as long as noone else is making ripples or waves.
So, if there are any London-based swimming teachers who subscribe to this sort of teaching/swimming method, please drop me a line. I might be prepared to shove a little cash your way if you'll help me out. (What're the odds of that, eh?)