Friday, January 23, 2009

The pills, the pills....

Isn't it interesting how, if you speak to the right person, suddenly things are possible.....
I saw the Princess Oncologist last week for the results of the last CT scan. Bit odd. There are a couple of new nodes in the lung; but one is 1 millimetre and the other is 2 millimetres. So she was implying that she wasn't 100% sure they were *really* there?! But even if they are then they're so small that she wouldn't consider changing the treatment regime. My bones are mostly showing up as sclerotic (I think that's how you spell it) - which basically means bone scar-tissue. I think this is a good thing. I'm not sure.
So - sticking with the aromastase inhibitors - but she did agree to swop me onto Exemestane instead of Arimidex - a very small minority of people with Arimidex pain will do better on this. I'm hoping to be one of them.
Also - better pain killers *can* be had! Diclofenac and Co-Drydamol are the order of the day. I'm not thrilled. Diclofenac has upset my stomach when I had in the past and, well, Co-Drydamol is just codeine in another form. But, as ever, I refuse to be a model patient and just take my drugs. I have, of course, been playing with them already to see what the minimum I can get away with is. And because the Princess Oncologist has apparently met me before she has set a Macmillan nurse on me to supervise. Well, she asked if I'd agree to that - which I did. Surprisingly. I was in pain on the day. I'm surprised I didn't just panic and refuse because I associate Macmillan with the whole Palliative (no-hope) scene which I'm not ready for yet. Well, I'll never be ready for it. How can you be?
However, the Macmillan nurse and I are playing phone-tag at the moment so I'll probably have it all sussed out by the time we actually manage to get in contact with each other at the same time.
So, all that useless rabbiting by the useless breastcare nurse was rubbish.
So, people keep telling me this is good news. I, don't feel like that, so much. There may or may not be progression - the progression could have occured while we were waiting for the Arimidex to build up to beneficial levels in my body - takes at least six weeks. I just, I don't know, I just don't feel that confident. Or celebratory.

Thursday, January 15, 2009


Happy New Year - blah etc,
Happy fucking leg cramp that won't go away.
Happy new pain killers that are not making the leg cramp go away.
Happy no sleep for me tonight, thanks.
So, so, soso, so , so so tired of this all.