Thursday, November 16, 2006

Stayin' alive!

Apparently, 'if I knew who walked beside me, fear would be impossible' - sadly this just sounds vaguely threatening to me - as if I were being stalked....
But I would debate this - I think fear is one of *the* most human traits. It's part of our animal nature and I don't think it really disappears because we have a belief in a god or other spiritual being. It's an instinct - and I don't think they can be governed by the logical mind.
Am I frightened? Yes, of course I am - but what does that mean? Well, what am I frightened of? The cancer coming back; dying; not getting to do all things I still want to do; my family and friends being sad; pain; having to go through all that treatment again. Why is all this frightening? Well, it seems to me that it is proving just how strong my instinct to stay alive is. But it is instinct - not logic.
I spent far too long today grokking out on Laurie's blog. I just got sucked on in there and was reminded so many times of what I experienced. It's very bad - I shouldn't do it because it confuses me. I get muddled about where I end and where other people's stories begin. A very strange trait I feel.

This is all very dull - I feel it may be time to stop the waffle.
I'd like to say it'll get more interesting over the weekend but I fear it won't (Well, it will for me because I'm going to meet my Peru team but it will mean short and sweet posts late on Friday, early am on Sat and curled up in a comatose heap late on Sunday - never fear! I'm not letting NaBloPoMo get the better of me!!!)

1 comment:

laurie said...

I can get downright sucked into other people's cancer stories too.
I don't think it's a bad thing, though. It's oddly reassuring to know that others, with different backgrounds, in different countries with a range of interests and experiences can see themselves in my blog and I in theirs.