In Pieces

I'm OK - I'm OK - I'm winning - I get to win this - cancer loses - you don't get this girl.
I GET TO WIN! ME! I GET TO WIN!

SO why can't I stop crying? Does every day have to start with tears? It feels like it will never be right.
My body is better but I'm mentally scarred - well, I'm bodily scarred too. I'm broken. I broke. And they couldn't fix me - they had to take part of me away. They had to break me more. How can I ever be right again?
And this is winning? I won by losing?
I broke and I don't know who I am anymore - I don't know what I want any more and I can't trust myself - I'm a proven liability now - I break and go wrong - how do you trust that?
Deficient, untrustworthy, mutilated, broken, NOT GOOD ENOUGH, not good enough

How can I ever be good enough again?