Friday, September 07, 2007

When things that shouldn't happen happen

Well I've been doing the old see-sawing thing but mostly indulging in floods of tears over everyone I see.
I get a bit scared when people are so nice to me. And that's what they keep doing. It makes me feel like they think I need all the help I can get.
Which I probably do.
Can. not. believe. this. is. happening.

This is not supposed to happen.

UPDATED

Ahhh, crap - I didn't make this very clear. Medical people, nurses etc keep being very nice to me... making me cups of tea, telling me to let them know if there's 'anything they can do' and when I make the polite noises about 'oh thank you, very kind' they go' no, no - just let me know/say'. And I find that eerie - I don't remember it last time and it's making me feel like they know stuff I don't know (which they obviously do). Now it may be because I'm not being quite so stoic in public this time around but I mostly fear that it's because they think I'm on my last legs.

The rest of you can be as nice-as-pie all you like. Preferrably with lashings of 'it's going to be fine'.
Oops, pseudo-in-laws here, must dash

3 comments:

pocketina said...

Well, we're not wanting to scare you, that's for sure.

...just wanting everything to be okay, to be able to reach out and sort it all out, you know?

thinking of you, dear girl! thinking of you a lot these days. :-)

pocketina said...

I read your update, I know what you mean.
But they may just be responding to your understandable distress, so I think it's best that you don't read anything into it...
It's tough, now, as post-treatment cancer patients, when any little pain could be the sign of something. That's that irritating thing we all deal with now, the looking over the shoulder to see what's gaining on us, and it's SO damn tiring.
I think it's good to be vigilant, and you're doing absolutely the right thing in getting a full scan to see what's going on.
I don't know if it gets easier, this police job we do on our own bodies, but I really hope it does, some years down the line. I think my family who's experienced it themselves, are at that stage, because I don't notice that they're as hypervigilant as I am...

Anyway, fingers crossed, toes crossed, bated breath.

xo!

Snoskred said...

I dropped in to see if there was an update after being offline most of the weekend, moving. I'm still hoping and thinking of you.. ;)

Snoskred
www.snoskred.org