Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Fuck lymphnodes

Fucked, fucked, fucked.
Lymphnode palpable; FNA; bonescan and CT scan to come.
The fucker is most likely back. Sure, there's a slim chance that it's not; that it's a reaction to whatever dread diseases I came into contact with in Peru but I'm not holding my breath.

I stopped focusing on it.
I made a deal.
I said that I wanted to get as far as Peru - I didn't look far enough. I didn't deal cleverly enough.
How can I fight this again? When deep in my heart I feel like I can only fight this once. Beating it once meant that it was beatable. If it comes again then that's it - it's eating away at me.

I can't bear this. Please can I just stop living now?

3 comments:

Amanda M said...

Hope that it's not back, that it's a false alarm. Hah. Like cancer acts like that.

So so sorry that you got this news.

- Amanda, just finished with chemo
www.imaginebrightfutures.wordpress.com

pocketina said...

No, no, sweetie. Let's just wait and see...you can have lymph nodes pop up for all kinds of reasons...don't worry yet, ok? I'm keeping you in my thoughts, and you get in touch with me, if you need more than that.

Love ya, kid. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere until long after this crap is done with.

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