Fucked, fucked, fucked.
Lymphnode palpable; FNA; bonescan and CT scan to come.
The fucker is most likely back. Sure, there's a slim chance that it's not; that it's a reaction to whatever dread diseases I came into contact with in Peru but I'm not holding my breath.
I stopped focusing on it.
I made a deal.
I said that I wanted to get as far as Peru - I didn't look far enough. I didn't deal cleverly enough.
How can I fight this again? When deep in my heart I feel like I can only fight this once. Beating it once meant that it was beatable. If it comes again then that's it - it's eating away at me.
I can't bear this. Please can I just stop living now?