Sometimes I write things here that are true for that moment only. Sometimes I write things and later they are not how I feel - but I don't delete them.
I treat this blog like a diary, but there is a difference - this is 'out' in the world where other people can read it. So, why don't I just write a diary instead? Who do I want to read this?
What do I want to say? I want to say that I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I'm sorry if I made you sad, I'm sorry that I can't say these things directly. I have been feeling muddled sometimes and some of my posts have reflected that. And sometimes in muddle I get things wrong.
During my cancer treatment several people said to me on different occaisions that I should write about the experience and I demured. I didn't want to, couldn't - or not at that point but now I have. And as part of that I've discovered things about myself; or, I am.