La la lal alala
Tomorrow I'm talking to 130 cancer doctors from 27 different countries. Yes, I'm not sure why I agreed to that either....
I'm going to tell them that, gosh, having cancer is crap and it makes you feel pretty blue. I'm pretty sure they will have noticed that, which is why I'm going to be whining about the depersonalisation of treatment, the loss of identity, the attempts at trying to live as a one-breasted woman. Officially my title is "The physical, psychological and social consequences of breast cancer; a younger woman's perspective" - wheee! Get me! Speaking at a medical conference! Maybe I'll put up my 'talk' here once I've given it - although I don't think it'll be new to most of my readers! I f*cked up over it because I was supposed to write it a couple of weeks ago and send a draft to the woman who's organising the conference but I just have not had time until this week to really sit down and get my thoughts in a logical(ish) form. But I definitely ballsed up because I should have contacted her to let her know instead of just continually hoping and saying 'I'll do it tomorrow'. I've been feeling *really* guilty about that since I spoke to her on Friday - I hate it when people promise things and don't do what they say they will or let you know that they can't - and I've just done exactly that.....sometimes I really hate how I behave. However, it's written, the beloved has listened to it and given it the OK - I think it's fine - I'm not saying anything controversial or offensive; I've made it clear that it's my personal experience and I think it'll sound pretty good. And at the end of the day I can only say what I know and think - and letting someone else read and criticise it really might have broken my heart. Sadly, I've agreed to sit through the majority of the conference tomorrow - I'm living in fear that I'll hear something I really don't want to hear. Actually, it's more likely that I'll hear lots of stuff I don't understand!!
Keep your fingers crossed for me at 3.30pm GMT (Summer time) tomorrow!!