Thursday, May 10, 2007

Talking and telling

Damn it! I want to be able to make pretty things like these.
But I'm sure I'd just make a mess of it. And then get cross and depressed. And even if I did manage it, I'm not sure I'd have the courage to wear it. Or rather, I can see myself putting it on, going out there and then spending the rest of the day being totally self-conscious (HA! I typed 'titally' first time around! Freudian slip, or what!?)

What a very interesting day I've had so far. I was asked to come and speak at an event for the Lavender Trust who were doing info sessions for a major chain of shops who will be doing a great deal of fundraising for them in the next 12 months. I was there to be the 'this is what you're actually raising money for' voice. I didn't do too badly, although I don't think I was as fluent as I would have liked to be and I think I repeated myself but I think I did 'reach' people - people responded and asked questions and I think that's good. That was what I wanted - to make people 'feel' something about the cause. Now, I know that the whole 'pinking' and attention-getting is a tricky area and I honestly couldn't tell you where exactly I stand on the whole awareness wagon but it was an interesting experience. I blathered too much I'm sure; and went on too long too perogative!

In more enjoyable news: massage tonight - bliss; I expect to fall asleep on the spot!


Jacqueline said...

ok, here's the deal: i am not always brave enough to wear my own creations. and i hate it that the word 'brave' plays into the whole thing. but the truth of the matter is- it takes a hell of a lot of hootspa (SP?) to embrace this body the way i naturally and instinctively desire. it takes a choir of voices that say stuff like "i don't give a sh*t what others think", "if you don't get it- that's your problem", or i'm not here for your viewing pleasure anyway". after a few chants i'll wear just about anything. but it still isn't easy. and besides. i wonder of sometimes i'm actually thinking about it too much- that probably few people even really notice. at the end of the day i am prouder when i do wear a custom garment- and that's what matters. but it's not easy... did i already say that?

thanks for the link to Rhea!
and just be comfortable- whatever that takes.

pocketina said...

"chutzpa", Rebel darlin', but it's ok: it's hardly a word in the Indiana lexicon. I love the word because it sounds like you're about to spit at someone: chhhhhhhhuuuuuuuutz-PA! You let it fly.

It's dificult as women to do something that's at a sharp angle to what everyone else is doing. It's like wading upriver, really. But when that tipping point comes when you aren't able to stop yourself, because you MUST go in the other direction, you do.

If you didn't know it from my blog, Rebel's writings on her recurrence even after radiation are a large part of what caused me to start asking questions of my doctors about the course they'd chosen for me. And when they finally all said,
"We think your best chance is to have a bilateral mastectomy & have genetic counselling to see if you can keep your ovaries." and I wonder what would have happened to me if I'd been meek enough to keep my mouth shut. It enrages me to think I had to fight for my best chance because doctors are so sure that "women just want to keep their breasts".
To get to where I am now, I borrowed Rebel's bravery. I borrowed yours, too, and Kim's and Erica's, and lots of others. I encourage others to borrow mine.

What I've derived from all of this cancer crap is a great feeling that I have a pool of women's experiences to draw from, and to add to. You're part of that. As far as I'm concerned, you've earned the right to wear any damned thing you want, no matter who's looking at you. You're awesome, girl!