It's a relief really. I don't have to wait any longer. And I have felt this coming since the start of the year. Which is why I have been so quiet I think. I nearly posted one of my angst-ridden posts about waiting for test results but then I decided that I keep posting those and then stuff's ok-ish and I feel a fool.
Anyway, the CT and the MRI were done a week and a half ago and I forebore from angsting about it. Well, I did in the discomfort of my own brain but I didn't spew it all out here. Results just in: increase of cancer in lung, liver lesions and the swelling on my shoulder is due to a tumour behind the muscle pushing it all forward and squeezing the nerves in my brachial plexus which makes my hand and fingers numb. Plus causes significant pain in my shoulder and lymphoedema in my hand and arm.
Not so good really.
So, it's old-school chemo time again. 2 different drugs on day 1, 1 of them again on day 8, week off. Rinse and repeat 5 times. 6 in total. Time to have a new portocath put in. Ick. Plus a referral to Dr Adrian Tookman - a consultant in Palliative Care; but I've been told he runs a 'bootcamp for cancer patients' - sorry, no, he's interested in rehabilitation for cancer patients. And that's what I think I need - someone to get me moving again. So I'm hopeful about that. Rest assured - the Princess Oncologist tells me she still has treatments up her sleeves - we're not at the end yet.
Hopefully this won't be a hairloss drug regime; but sickness and nausea will be present.
I have decided it's time to stop working. It's time to be with the Dear Other a bit more. I just hope the whole retiring thing can be worked out well.....
I'm upset - no denying. But there is a certain calmness - no more waiting.
I leave you with a quote from Winston Churchill:
"When you're going through hell; keep going."