Birthday

Ooh, where did I go??
Been busy, so I suppose that's a good thing. It was my birthday last Sunday: happy birthday me.
I had a bit of a 'do' on Saturday afternoon at a pub, with food and lots of old friends. It was an idea I'd had at the end of last year and it seemed like a good thing: to get all the people I really loved in a room together. Somehow as it got closer and closer to the event; it seemed less and less like something I wanted to do. I mean, it was nice to see people but it was also stressful. I felt like I had to prove I was really here and OK even if I didn't feel OK...
Then on Sunday I woke up at about 5am (very unusual for me) and I felt as sick and as anxious as I had done a year before except this time it wasn't due to chemotherapy drugs and steroids.
I haven't told the story of the first chemotherapy treatment yet, have I.... I will, it needs a bit more time than I have now though.
As long as I don't go around thinking I'm supposed to feel OK then I guess I'm sort of OK. Oh, I don't know: it doesn't make sense. Not even Elaine could follow what I was trying to say on Monday. As I sat in the gloom of dusk trying to explain something that I can't even remember now....
I haven't cried since Sunday: that must be something of a record for me.....wow. I might even get through a week (well, a work-week: small goals, right?)
Bed, bed, bed. So tired. Want to feel better and happier. :(