Happy Holidays

Happy Christmas y'all! - well, those of you who celebrate it.

Happy ordinary December 25th to the rest of you!

I've celebrated this morning with an unhappy digestive system - no turkey for me today, I think...... :( I just hope I can manage to stuff myself with stuffing - which, let's face it, is the only reason for having turkey to begin with! I love me some stuffing...... ::sigh::

Today, Xeloda, I give you the v's - and I'm not even wrapping them up. So there.

So, I haven't taken part in the cousin's visit this morning - which makes me feel even worse. Not because I was desperate to see them (does that sound unkind? Yes, it does a bit - but that's not what I mean) - what I mean, is that it means I have to play the 'cancer-girl' role. I wanted to go and look normal and be normal and not have everyone thinking 'oh, poor her, etc.'

Crapola.

Whoo -hoo. I'm suffering with ruddy Internet Explorer instead of Firefox today - so I do apologise if my spelling is a load of rubbish. I discover I've become dependent on the in-browser spell-check with Firefox and consequently don't notice my own typo's anymore.

Sweet Camden Lass asked for a picture of the Christmas Tree Caper villain (pseudonym: Maxwell), so here he is, trying to look all innocent:

And here he is looking pissed off because he was sleeping *under the covers* and I lifted them up to take a photo (mean, old me!)

Pissy, evil-eye; yes?

Finally, we have a White Christmas (and yes, I've just grokked-out watching it this morning. It is my favorite film ever, along with anything with Fred Astaire in. *I* want to be able to dance like that and wear fancy frocks like that. ::sigh:: Not Going To Happen.)

It had snowed before I arrived and this was the view from my bedroom window the morning after I arrived:

*Pretty*

Then, we were supposed to have a couple more inches last week, but what we got was more like eight inches more - this is the house over the street in the snow:

And, then this is our back garden (well, the wilderness - my grampy liked trees - me too. I miss him lots):

*So* beautiful. The more so because I get get scared that this is the last time I'll see this; have a Christmas here; have any Christmas.

But, it may not be either - maybe I'll see many more. I hope so.

Enough - today I'll just enjoy the day - or do my best, anyway.

(Dear Other arrived last night with miminum delays - so that makes me happy :))

Happy Christmas eveyone.

Naughty or nice

Remember what I mentioned about the cat and the tree??
Well, tree met floor with resounding crash yesterday evening as the cat tried dabbling in the water at the bottom (at least that's the theory). So, some smashed ornaments, water all over the floor, sodden rug and us trying to screw the tree into the floor at 8pm.
And now he's just knocked the watering can over - more water all over the floor.
Someone's not getting a visit from Santa Claus this year........

Snow! ::grin::

Whee! Short interlude for sitting on a plane with lots of turbulence and dodgy intestinal tract - yay! Recipe for a fun trip! But I did make it to the other side of the pond and I've only got 3 more doses of Xeloda before Christmas - hopefully it'll all calm down by then. I have my onc's permission to knock off one of the small tablets on each dose if my skin gets too bad but it hasn't really - my cuticles are all disappearing and I like to be in close-ish proximity of a toilet but that's it for now. So I'll stick with the full dosage - I don't want to start decreasing the dosage until I really have to - that will just mean that I've got less of a place to go to before my body can't take any more of it. So, I'm shutting up and swallowing the damn pills. And lots of liquid to try and avoid being *too* dehydrated.....I thought last week I was getting a cold but it so far hasn't transpired (which is good) But I checked with Megan at the hospital about what to do if I got a cough (instructions in my purple chemo booklet say I'm supposed to ring them if I get a cough and I thought calling transatlantic over the Christmas period probably wasn't going to be much of a goer; so I now have *two* different sets of emergency antibiotics (on top of all the rest of the rattling lot) - I'm getting to be the drug queen........

It's snowing here in Massachusetts - we've had about 6 inches of the light, fluffy variety on top of the 8+ inches from the previous week, and I'm loving it. It's beautiful. Light and white and fresh. I stuck my head out the door earlier to take some photos and it was so quiet. I'd forgotten how quiet the snow makes everything. Even when there's nothing to hear; the silence is muffled too. Isn't that strange?
I'll post the photos later on I hope.

My memory is getting quite iffy again - hence the leaving my glasses at the Haven after Shiatsu last week. They were right on the table in front of me and I still didn't notice and left them there and had to go back to collect them another day - which is a drag because it takes at least an hour and 3 changes of transport to get there......grrrrr.

Amazon seems to have sent everything I ordered from them in an individual box - sorry, make that an individual, ridiculously enormous, over-packaged box. I'm sorry earth - I think my Christmas presents have cut down the last trees in existence. In the past they've been *much* better about it so I'm quite cross really. We went and picked out our tree yesterday and it's lovely - lots of smell and just the right shape and size - so now we have to fish out all the decorations. When we were putting it into its stand last night the cat insisted on sticking his head in it for ages - and then had a sneezing fit. Quite amusing. Hopefully this will have cured him of wanting to climb or otherwise decimate it......(but probably not).

Heartburn can See Me In Hell - getting permanently annoying now.

Right -decoration hunt begins now! Challenge!

Long time, passing

::Sigh::
Where did I go? I guess December has gotten the better of me.
What have I been up to?

Well, I had my appointment at the Royal London Homoeopathic Hospital with Dr. Kassab - who was very nice. Her office was filled with plants which was nice - green and leafy. She was very kind and it was so fantastic to talk to someone who really acknowledged how much of a problem the hot flushes are - and then went on to say that she was pretty sure she could do something to help. Which is such a difference to the usual 'well, it's crap but we can't do much about it'. I'm not saying that other drs. etc have been unkind or unsympathetic; it's just that, generally, they can't offer much help with it. Plus, it's always considered as a *side-effect* rather than a problem in its own right.
So, I cried (as usual) and explained everything that had happened to me (which I hate doing - well, the explaining the whole when it first started, how I found it and all that stuff.)
It was really quite fascinating discussing it with her - she asked lots of questions about the emotional effect and how I felt when it happened and before it happened and what it felt like. I learnt some interesting things about them through this - for example, the hot flushes make me feel claustrophobic - having to have windows open at night; feeling compulsions to take off as many clothes as I can when they happen; panicking and feeling trapped when they happen.
So I came away with an initial prescription for 'Argent Nit. ' and another for 'Glonoine' if the other isn't doing much after a month. So it's been just over a week and I'm still waiting to see what sort of effect the Arg. Nit. is having......I'm not feeling like it's helping much yet but I'll keep on giving it a go.

One of my few working veins has given up the ghost so we had to have several goes at getting the cannula in on Friday ::shudder:: I never thought I'd say this, but; I miss my portocath.....I keep joking that I'll bring in my port and they can put it back in. But I was down to 2 or 3 functioning and easily found veins in my one usable arm and if we keep going with the IV pamidronate then I'm going to run out of veins!! Plus, who knows what they'll have to give me in the future. Eventually, if the Xeloda stops working, then I may need some other drugs. So, in the long run, it may be an investment to have the portocath put back in.....I guess I'll cross that bridge in due course.

So, then on Saturday morning (of course, these things never happen on Mondays...) I noticed that a mole on my leg was looking odd and scabby and darker. So, of course, I freaked out; convinced that it was skin cancer and it had spread and perhaps this was the initial cause of it all (irrational, much?) and so on. Oh, and that the 3 cysts I have in various places weren't cysts and I should have mentioned the new one instead of telling myself it was just another cyst etc. Argh, dying, end of world, man the lifeboats, plan the funeral, finish the knitting etc.
Poor Dear Other tried to reassure me - reminding me that the CT scan would have shown up other cancer spots, that even if it was abnormal it didn't mean it was cancerous, that it was small. And it was a case of me meeting logic and going 'lalalalalal cannot understand this logic-thing, s'cuse me, too much dying to do!' Poor, poor, Dear Other - he looked so sad and said he felt so bad about not to be able to make me feel better. (Bear in mind I'd thrown in a healthy dose of 'I'm so stupid; it's all my fault; I should have done this and that and the other; bad, bad me, blah, blah, blah') Well, he did make me feel better; but I felt pretty crap to begin with so it was better on a relative scale. So, after a weekend of 'argh!' and great fear, on Monday morning I rang my breast care nurse (well, the new one - the one who knows me best is on maternity leave - the nerve of it!) who helpfully said 'hmm, don't think it's to do with the Xeloda - go and see your GP. Bye!' Not quite as much cossetting and reassuring as I'd hoped for. So, I rang my GP's surgery and asked for an appointment that day - none to be had (of course) so I asked for my GP to ring me and headed off to Shiatsu where I spent at least half the session crying and wailing before we even started - but she was very nice and understanding about my neuroticness and was even kind enough to say that she understood my point of view about feeling that the cancer was my 'fault' because my body is me. By the time I got home it was getting on for 5pm and my GP *still had not rung me* and I was cross but decided I'd just ring for an appointment early the following morning but just as I was bad-mouthing him, he rang (at 4 minutes before 6pm....) and said 'it's about a mole?' and I said 'yes, it sounds pathetic, I know.' and he was kind enough to say 'no, no - do you want me to look at it?' (er, no - why would I want that? Please just use your psychic powers to divine it's status and we shan't have to bother with all this appointments business.....) Ooh, I am bitchy - horribly so, considering that he told me to come and see him the following day - a miracle because I can't usually get an appointment with him at all. But he squeezed his schedule or something and fitted me in.
So I showed it to him, along with a bunch of other ones and my cysts, saying 'what about this one? Ok, this one? Can I just show you this?' and he was exceedingly patient and looked at them all and told me they were all *FINE*. (YAY!) But he said that if I came back in a month then he'd look again and if I wanted to have it removed then he'd take it out and send it to be tested; so I probably will have it taken off - just so I stop peering at it and poking it (which was probably why it was red in the first place - dumbo.) Then he asked if there was anything else he could do for me - which I always think if very nice but very pointless; because what can he do? I was torn between saying 'yes, make it all go away' and 'yes, come round for tea - that will make me feel better!' But I didn't say either - well, I might have said the former in a not so facetious way. But I did whine a bit about not sleeping and he gave me a prescription for some Zopiclone (why do half my pills start with a Z or an X???) - just a small number, not a long term thing but he said it might help so I can make the most of my time with my family over Christmas. So, I went home a very relieved bunny and collapsed in a heap.

Remind me to tell you tomorrow that I left my glasses at Shiatsu, I'm getting a cold, I'm collecting preventative antibiotics and to show you the *bee-you-ti-ful* lace stole I was given as a Christmas present (which I've worn and stroked every day since I got it); plus my dithering over what to make with Pocketina's hand spun yarn (I'm currently too scared to knit it in case it all goes horribly wrong and I spoil it - which will make me cry, more, lots.) Plus, plus, my envy over the meeting and fah-bulous new creations of Laurie and Rebel.

The end.

Whee! Are you still reading? Or have you slumped over in a heap of overwhelmed-ness?

It's all Wicked!

Wow - the whole lack of NaBloPoMo meant that I could have my party yesterday and not have to blog about it on the same day whilst collapsing in a heap of tiredness......
It's great!!
It did go with a bang rather than a whimper, which is always gratifying. The mulled wine went down very nicely - no-one ate enough cake or mincepies: how can this be? I am at a loss to understand this issue.
We did have a few youngsters around which was lovely - at one point there were two little girls grovelling under my table - hunting a tiger, I was led to believe. I also got to listen to a very good rendition of 'Away in a manger' - with nearly all the right words. Apparently there is 'no crib for a star' in this version - and I was quite tickled at the idea of sleeping in a star..... :)

I finally tracked down mini candy-canes to go in my mini Christmas stockings; so I'm well pleased with that!

Tonight, I am going to the theatre too see 'Wicked'! Yay! I've been wanting to see this for ages - the only flaw in the plan are the 10 Guides who are going too......apparently there have been ructions and I'm just hoping we can all have a Nice Time this evening. I've got lots of back-up though (for which I'm super-nova-ly grateful!) - so hopefully all will Be Well.

Tomorrow - is homeopathic hospital day. I have High Hopes. I hope they won't be dashed.....

Blah, blah, looking a lot like Christmas etc.

Well, it's bakety, bakety bake here today....tomorrow is our Christmas Drink part-ay. Why, yes, that is quite early but I'm having fancy afternoon tea at Browns next Saturday. Which is jolly exciting if you spent lots of your early years reading Agatha Christie (like me) - Browns is where, and what she based 'At Bertrams Hotel' on. And the weekend after - I am,...doing nothing actually. But when we planned this I thought I might have gone to the States by then. So, this weekend it was. 35ish people will descend for an afternoon of mulled wine, Christmas cake, mince pies and other such festive things. Oh, and lots of crisps - one of us got a *little* carried away on the crisp-buying front. (and it wasn't me ;))
So, I have baked a cake today, marzipaned and am about to ice another, made cinnamon cut-out cookies, made orange/lemon sorbet (hoping it freezes by tonight - slightly wishful thinking I suspect).
I've also made the bed up in the spare room and am about to fish out the Christmas tree and decorations.
This entertaining lark is hard work!

The end, done, finito etc

Welcome to the end of NaBloPoMo. I made it, you made it reading along. Done and dusted.
Now I can think about Christmas - nearly - tomorrow I can.
Last year I thought that having done a month I'd be much better at posting regularly - it didn't really work out that way. I admit I was somewhat distracted by the whole 'going to Peru' thing; so maybe this year it *will* make a difference.
Watch this space!!

I promised lots of Peru photos at the start and didn't follow through - so maybe we'll finish up with a few more to make up for it.

False face must hide....

At some point I may have to admit to myself that I've been depressed for most of my life.
Because I think doing that might mean that I could stop feeling like I'm just not trying hard enough to be happy. That maybe it's not my fault. That maybe this is something that I've inherited along with the family silver. Or not, who knows.
I think that I have always felt at odds with the rest of the world. I think I met unkindness from my peers early on in life and I could not understand why. I think it's hard to realise that not everyone feels the way you do.
It seems like there is an expectation that childhood is 'the best time of your life'; that children are innocent and untouched and unaware of sadness and badness in life. And I think there (was) a feeling that children/young people aren't/can't be depressed. I think this attitude is changing - I think today there is much more awareness of it. I don't think there was so much in the 1970s.
I think I felt sad and didn't know it. Or didn't know that it was possible to change that. I think I did know that not everyone seemed to be that way - because I think I felt that it was my fault; my problem; that if I were able to be like other people then I'd feel happy.
I also think all these terms are horribly subjective; and that it's very hard to know how other people feel. I don't think I'm the only person in the world who puts of the 'I'm OK' face and lies and lies. (What's that quotation I'm trying to think of? Something from Shakespeare; possibly from Hamlet?)
I also fear that my memories are being tainted by the way I feel now and are not a true representation. Interesting conundrum, eh?

How's that for a serious entry at the end of NaBloPoMo?
One day left - light and fluffy? Or bad and serious? You choose.

I'll moan if I want to!

Well, the Xeloda is starting to have a few more side-effects now.
The skin on my right thumb and forefinger has gone all shiny and is peeling all over the place. It's looking like I'll have no fingerprints on them (Quick! Rush out and commit crimes! They'll never catch me! - I'm kidding, right?)
The skin on the soles of my feet is quite tender now and will blister and peel if I even *look* at shoes other than my trainers. This I found, to my sorrow, the other week when I wore (not *that* high) heels to a dinner party. I was limping with both feet (this is quite difficult in itself) by the end of the evening and the little toe on my left foot was entirely made up of blister. No kidding - there was no bit of skin that wasn't blistered on it. Nice!....Not so much.
I'm back in heartburn-city, drinking peppermint tea by the bucket-load to try and stave off the having to walk round the house with hand pressed to chest at all hours.
Plus, the old lower digestive system is starting to notice and rebel - lovely. Just what I need to make my attractiveness bloom - rushing to the toilet. Although 3am seems to be the time it likes to strike. At least I'm at home then.....
Oh, and the cuticles are disappearing. I don't get that. It happened with the previous chemo-varieties too . What have cuticles got to do with anything? It's problematic in that it's not good for the lymphoedema side of me.
Flying (or something. Too much blueberry pie?) seems to aggravated my hand a bit too. My fingers are looking decidedly podgy again - grrrr. So it's back to the lurvely sleeve and gauntlet - mmmm, sexy!

Hmm, owt else I can complain about? I'm just practising for my next Onc. appointment on Weds really. My oncologist worries about me if I don't arrive whinging and complaining. I think she's finding me entirely less interesting this time around. No far-out, more-unusual side-effects this time around. (I'm tempting fate, aren't I? What an idiot.) She won't want to know about my feet anyway - she doesn't 'do' feet.... ;)

In other news, we flew back from the States on the daytime flight rather than the red-eye yesterday. Wow, *so much* better for the jetlag....we left at 9am US time and landed (with help from a very kindly jetstream) 5 and three quarter hours later at around 7.45pm UK time. Home by 10pm and ready to go to bed at a usual hour - woke up (well, as usual, throughout the night) but was in fit state to get up at 7am (I didn't, mind you; but I *could* have if I'd wanted to!). None of the 'awake until 3am and unable to prise open eyelids until noon'. Getting up at 5am to get to the airport on time was less fun; but manageable since I hadn't been there long enough to get fully onto US time anyway. I'm converted I think. I always thought it would make more sense actually but had never actually done it.
During the course of the flight, I managed to tip a full cup of gingerale onto the (fortunately) empty seat next to me and karma returned the favour when one of the flight attendants knocked an orange-juice carton onto me - it mostly went on the floor thankfully. Plus, I managed to fit in all the requisite pills at relatively appropriate times.

Goin' to Graceland.

Why is it that everything I'm truly interested in has signs on like this??

Home again, home again. I'm on the plane back to slightly-warmer London.

Capecitabine/Xeloda is making the skin on my fingers all peely. It's annoying. Welcome to the world of the banal. Lalalalallaala.

Tomorrow, we return with jetlag.......

The view today....

Well, here is what my day looks like today.....damp, but pretty.

Who's who?

After a couple of nights sleeping pretty well I was back to the not being able to sleep thing.
I think I was just feeling a bit down yesterday - we had dinner with my great-aunt and I felt a bit on display. You know, the kind of having to prove that you're doing OK. Regardless. Because I don't want her to know that I'm not. Or something. I don't know.
Then I was watching the DVD footage from the Peru trip in the summer - which was nice, but sad too. I watched myself and was amazed at how 'together' and confident I appeared. Relaxed even when I was scared out of my wits. I watched myself leading our final round-up - asking the girls to reflect on their experiences - trying to make sure we all went home with good feelings about the trip and I thought I was pretty damn good. I remembered why I came home feeling so much more positive about myself. I can't tap into it; but I can see why and where that came from. That woman seems completely different.
I find it had to reconcile all those different 'me's'. I'm starting to feel that it's probably normal. We're probably all different in different circumstances but I find that confuses me because I'm not sure who the 'real' me is. Am I the competent, successful, caring, understanding person? Or am I the distraught, ill, confused person? Both, of course. But how do I balance those? How can I be both in one person?
Confusing.

Baby, when you're gone.....

I've been finding myself feeling a bit panic-y whilst I've been here. I keep seeing photos of myself - graduation photos, baby photos etc and I think it makes me realise that I will be missed when I'm no longer here. And that makes me feel terrible. It makes me feel so guilty that I will cause people to mourn; to feel so terribly sad. Perhaps that seems odd - perhaps it seems a bit big-headed. But it makes me feel terribly bad about myself. I don't want to be the cause of pain and sorrow.
I met my brother's girlfriend yesterday - she seems so nice. I like her a lot and I am so glad that my brother has found someone so great; someone else who sees how fantastic he is; someone who'll be there for him when I cannot be. I keep feeling like I see glimpses of the future - but a future that I may not be a part of.
So, I appear to have managed a week of being slightly upbeat before it all tumbled down again.
Oughts and shoulds and wishes all mishmashing together.
Plus, I have no knitting or yarn with me and I don't know what to do with my hands, never mind my head.
I know, I know; 'good situation', 'could be worse' - all of that. I suppose I just feel like the situation will be worse in time and therefore I might as well be there already.
What's the answer? A furry cat to heat me up beyond all endurance? I don't know anymore.

Hurried, fill in the NaBloPoMo requirements

We cheated - we had chicken.....which was fine by me.
Now I must go and eat more and then go to the New Balance Factory Store - because I'm all about the bargains. More later if I'm available. For some reason my brothers all wanting to spend time with me ;) Yay!

Round and round we go, where we stop - noone knows!

Well, what a farce that flight turned out to be!!! Like something from M. Hulot's Holiday.
First the flight was going from Gate 20 - then it disappeared from the departure screens entirely; then we got all the way to Gate 20 only to be told that the crew were delayed by a traffic accident in London and we had to return to the departure lounge and wait for a new gate and departure time EXCEPT we couldn't go back the way we came, we had to go back via 'flight connections' and go through security again. When we got back to the departures area the screens said, wait for it........
Go to Gate 20!
Again!
After standing in a massive queue to get back from Gate 20!!
Hilarious! (ish)
Go we trekked all the way back to Gate 20 and still had to wait a while for the crew to get aboard and so their safety checks. So we left an hour late.
Still - we made it - something to be thankful for I'm sure.
It's been misty all morning but the sun has finally made an appearence and the orange-yellow leaves on the tree outside the window are positively glowing.
Plus, I had a heavy, grey cat come and stand on my chest at 6 this morning (thank you Max!) why does he insist on standing on the painful bits?? Still, it's nice to have a furry, purry thing around - even if he is a bit of a bruiser.

Hey! I'm in Boston peeps! (well, Boston suburbs) - I made it! How's that?

Yum - cake....

This post is a rush today since I'm trying to get sorted for the 'off'. So I'm leaving you with pre-season Christmas photos - my cake (which is gradually being pickled in brandy) and the mince-pies that 'worked' (i.e. the ones I didn't scoff because the puff pastry over-puffed and ejected the mincemeat onto the baking sheet.....)
Salivate at will......
I know there'll be types out there that say 'not before Thanksgiving!' - but the cake really does need time to sit and rest and absorb......
What are you baking for Christmas/Thanksgiving?

Leaving on a jet-plane...back next week.

I'm losing track of the days of the week - I was convinced today was Monday - it's not, by the way. This not working thing makes life very confusing. I can't quite believe that I'm flying to the States tomorrow evening - especially since in my dismal moments I'd been convinced that I'd never see the place again (or get clawed by the cat again).
And now I've just noticed I've scratched myself on one of my lymphoedemic fingers - so I hope that doesn't go funky and fall off before I manage to get back. I'm doing it all the time and I've already had one infection in that finger - and I couldn't even see where I might have damaged myself on that occasion. I'll be taking my antibiotics with me; along with all the other medication - I hope they don't search my bag otherwise they'll think I'm some druggie. I think I'd better carry my 'I've got cancer' letter. (Yay! - not)
I just had a thrilling time trying to speak to the airline yesterday to ask for 'meet and assist' at the airport - but they said they couldn't guarantee it unless I also booked a wheelchair.....well, I'm not doing *that* - damnit, I can still bloody walk; it's just that if I have to stand in a 30 min security queue I'm going to get stressed, get hot and collapse in a heap. So, if they have a member of staff available then they will help; but otherwise, I'm on my own. (Just they wait until I feign a faint!! ;))
So, any Bostonians out there? Or New Englanders? How's the weather? Any leaves left on the trees? Have I missed all the leaf color-change? When's the snow going to start?

Snow, snow, snow, snow, snow....

What was dull and drear and rainy yesterday morning took a turn for the more interesting when it got colder later in the day and we came out of the cinema (from seeing Stardust) to find snow! Pretty unusual for November in the midlands. It definitely made my day. I love the snow - probably because it's the exception to the norm around here and I don't have to traipse through it for months at a time. I was also impressed with myself for working out that using the red-eye reduction function on my new camera would show the snow best in the dark.
Of course, this morning it's all vanished bar a tiny pile against the wall...easy come, easy go.
::sigh::

To sleep perchance to dream - no thanks

It's absolutely tipping down with rain here today. Dull and drear and we still have no curtains so there's nothing to shut out the cold with.
I am eating a persimmon, or a Sharon fruit or, apparently they're also called Kaki(!). I am alarmed to read that eating them unripe can cause bezoars. I could be in a Harry Potter film! I'm not sure how to know if they're ripe - I usually judge fruit ripeness based on whether I can bite into it without breaking a tooth - and I can, so.....here's hoping I haven't just grown a bezoar. (I think my oncologist would roll her eyes at that.....)

I had *terrible* dreams last night. I'm blaming the weather. I dreamt there were people breaking into my home - I saw one of them and hid and then they were peering through the window trying to see me and then they were up a ladder coming through an upstairs window; so I told them to go away. It took some negotiation but they were caught by the police. And then I discovered the people over the road had been watching it through binoculars like it was some sort of show. A bit scary - I woke up and went back to sleep, where the dreams got worse.
Now, I was in charge of trying to rescue 3 children who were being taken to be part of some medical experiments - it was one of those deals where you know what's going to happen but you're pretending you don't because the 'baddies' are pretending to be the 'goodies'. So we tried to escape and we got out and set off running away and finally arrived in some place where we found somewhere to stay the night but of course, the person who owned the place we were staying was in league with the 'baddies' so we were caught all over again and then the smallest girl had her legs sliced up. It was horrible. The bones were sliced lengthways and laid our neatly in front of me. Luckily, though, she seemed to still be able to stand up and run after a fashion (this part makes even less sense) so we escaped again and got in a boat to go down a river and then I woke up again.
Went back to sleep again and now we'd escaped and we were at school - I guess I was
like a teacher but not and the boy who'd been one of the children turned up and he was crippled and on crutches. And then, thank goodness, I woke up and it was late enough to get up and leap in the shower.

Hideous night, or what? I seriously hope those dreams don't mean anything. I hate nights when I have very vivid dreams - even if they're not horrible ones because I never feel like I've slept properly. It feels like I've been awake the whole night doing the things in the dream. Ugh. Can you tell that sleep's become a big issue for me now?
I hope you're sleeping better than me. Tell me a nice dream to take away my horrid ones.

Sunset

">I've been looking at some excellent pictures on NaBloPoMo so I felt inspired to to share a few more Peru pictures with you. This is in Urubamba where Kiya Survivors have their centre and this is the view from the fantastic hostel we were staying at. The mountains with the sun setting behind them was lovely at the end of a tough day. True, many of my days involved staying at home with whomever was currently being sick; but that can still be pretty tough - especially the days with people who can't stop shaking or who cannot stop being sick. Poor things." border="0" alt="" />