I have a song to sing-o

La, la la la la.....
What do I want to say - hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I want to say 'thank you!' I had some very nice comments/emails recently which I do love. It's nice to know who all those people I 'see' on my stats are. I've emailed/commented back to some of you but there was at least one Anon with no email address so I can't - so 'thank you'.
I know it's OK to still be finding things difficult but I don't want to be still finding things difficult. I don't *like* difficult - I like to be difficult but I'd rather things weren't difficult for me. Hmmm, karma? And I am talking about all this shit. I do. I am. But it's part of the endless refrain: 'It takes time' - time, ha! Who has time? I don't - I had cancer - I have no time. I'm on borrowed and stolen time. 100 years ago cancer would have killed me; 50 years ago my odds wouldn't have been brilliant; 2 years ago I was lucky; for now I'm holding on with baited breath. Living with NED.

La, la la la la......
Hmmm
It's my birthday on Monday - nowadays, a touchy time of the year since my birthday in 2005 was two days after my first chemo - oooh, nothing says 'happy birthday!' like nausea and sickness! Last year - not so good either. Too busy remembering nausea and sickness. Forget, brain, forget!

La, la la la la.....
I have finally agreed to let the surgeon take out my portacath - I have now had my port accessed to be flushed about three times as many times as it was used for chemo. Perhaps time to let it go, no? Plus I don't want any trouble with it when I'm in Peru in the summer and it'll need some time to heal up and settle down again I should think. I was trying to work out why I'd felt so ambivalent about having it removed when I had such trouble with the idea of having it put in. Mostly it was about not wanting to be cut open again and partly the last time I let them do surgery on me I came away with one breast. Which I knew was going to be the outcome, and I know it was necessary and I know it's probably saved my life - but I don't like it and, irrationally, I blame my surgeon for it. I am really angry with him for mutilating me like this. I am literally half a woman now and it is his fault. So, not feeling good about letting him loose again. I have demanded sedation for the removal which is done with local anaesthetic because I DO NOT want to know what is going on; I do not want to be aware of what is going on otherwise I will shrivel up and squirm and then they will miss and I will end up a mess. Irrational, much? So, this time in three weeks it will be gone - just the wound will remain to fade to join the other scars I've accumulated over the last two years.

La, la la la la la aaallalaalla,
That's a skimming of the top of my brain - there's lots more and I should write it down more often.

Why, thank you!

Ooh - thank you for all the comments - I think that's a personal record! I should ask y'all questions more often....

My dilemma over commenting isn't really resolved but thank you for the excellent advice. I'll think on't!

Depinked and rules

Oh - I forgot to say - we've de-pinked!
You probably will have noticed this fact. I feel so much better for not being bright pink but feel that the subtlety of the plain white-ness - i.e. no colour at all - looks a bit dull now. And I'd like to think I'm not as dull as all that.
But I don't really think much of the other colored designs on offer at blogger so I don't know what to do..... Any ideas?

I also wanted to say that I will be making a policy of commenting on at least one new blog each day for the duration of NaBloPoMo - because it's nice to comment, isn't it?

But what is the etiquette with commenting?
When someone comments, do you write back and say 'thanks for commenting' and then do they write back and say ' no problem, you're welcome' - at what point does someone *stop* responding? Or don't you respond at all in the first place? I don't know the rules - help!